tormentedshore | Red Light AU

[ There's only so much willpower even a man like Bucky can muster and faced with the sight of Steve's hand on his chest, his quiet footfalls bring him closer. His hand goes to Steve's back and the touch isn't intimate, exactly, but it's not the touch of a guard guiding him down the hall. This is closer to the way Bucky used to touch his sister, back before the plague took her away, warm palm rubbing gently at Steve's back near his shoulder blades. ]

Easy. I'm not worth all this upset.

[ He means that, too. He knows his place here. Trusted, but only so much and so far below a man like the King. Now, he bides his time until retirement and prays he'll still be young enough to build something or share the rest of his life with someone. If the job takes his life, at least he knows he'll have died with his honor intact.

They are both replaceable pieces in the machine that is this castle, but he thinks the idea of Steve being replaced and tossed aside is abhorrent. How could anyone toss someone like him aside? ]

You may not care what those men would do to you, but it would do you well to remember that there are other people who might care.

[ His hand is still warm on Steve's back, like he's forgotten it there. ]

[Steve would happily disagree.

Bucky, if anything, was worth the upset. He was kind and generous. Noble and Steve didn’t apply that term to very many people. The other slaves and servants all liked him. He’d even heard a few others arguing over who would serve certain meals because Bucky was going to be there. When he wasn’t, the other guards were more rowdy. Unpleasant. And it didn’t hurt that Bucky was handsome.

The contact is worse than he’d imagined it be. If Steve thought he might want Bucky before, he had no doubts now. It wasn’t sexual or even all that intimate but it was sweet. He’d been afraid of that.]

There aren’t.

[He shakes his head and he tells his body to pull away but it doesn’t listen. Steve leans closer to Bucky. He craved touch that didn’t have an unsavory motive behind it. A hand at his back only trying to soothe his strained lungs.]

I have no one. The King has made sure of it. [No close friends or family. He was alone.] I asked you not to speak to me this way. It makes me want what I can’t have.

[ Bucky should move away. Steve is right that they shouldn't talk like this. They shouldn't touch like this, either, because even if it looks innocent, he knows that it isn't. There's nothing innocent about his desire for what he can't have.

The words, though, he can't stop, quiet as they are and much as they violate Steve's request. He can't help it and they spill out against his will, a whisper in the quiet room. ]

I would care. They won't lay a finger on you as long as I'm around.

[ Steve is leaning closer and his body is screaming at him to close the distance and embrace him, but he stays where he is, far too close and far too familiar. If someone walked in now, he could explain it away, but he would be lying.

He wants Steve desperately, but more than that, he wants to take Steve away from this place where men would hurt him and the King would treat him like a plaything. Bucky thinks he would fight to free Steve, even if he couldn't be free with him, but he knows better. There's no life out there for a man with no money or title. It would be worse than the life in here. Bucky's title has saved him from the worst of the world, but even he knows that if he leaves, there will be very little safety or life for him out there. ]

[Steve wants to scream, rage against the pain those words cause. He hates them. Himself and Bucky. The King. The life he was born into and how there was no way out of it. He wants the longing to stop and the hurt to be, at the very least, bearable. His breathing picks up again, air straining and pushing at weakened lungs. Dots of bright light prick at his vision and he knows what that means.

He's going to pass out. ]

I tol-told you not to. [Those damn words. They were too much. Not enough.] I hate you.

[It was mean and it wasn't true. Steve turns in Bucky's arms, only reaching out to grip to keep from falling. He pushes at Bucky and stumbles. Ambles forward and pushes again. If, somehow, he were cruel enough he could convince Bucky to turn that cruelty back on him and then he wouldn't feel the way that he did anymore.]

I. Hate. You.

[ Bucky's hold tightens as soon as he notices Steve's breath is off. Steve can be mad and he can hate Bucky, but Bucky's not going to let anything happen to him. That's what matters and he's not doing it for the King, either.

He lets Steve lean on him, lets him shove Bucky back, but he watches to make sure Steve isn't going to faint and hit his head. ]

You can hate me, but I need you to breath.

[ Pushing into Steve's personal space again, he wraps his arms around Steve, this time not letting Steve push him away. Between the two of them, he knows Steve can't best him in a struggle. ]

You have to calm down.

Red Light AU

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